The Golden Birthday is finally upon me. In 3 short days I will be 30 years of age on the 30th of July. Three decades of journeying this earth, searching for purpose and ultimately, myself. Have I found what I am looking for? I'd say that's debatable...
I've been wondering why I've been so terrified to turn 30. And I realize, in fact, that I am not. On the contrary, I am proud of how far I've come even if it's taken me longer than the average person to figure certain things out. I have always been a bit of a late bloomer. But you know, time is such a peculiar thing--we want to rush it, slow it down, pause it, create more of it, create the most of it. As hard as we may try, we cannot manipulate it. But what we can do is give our time to others while still making time for ourselves. I suppose that is part of the reason I enjoy taking the time to share these blog posts. These words are not quickly and cleverly crafted. These words are spilled slowly from the heart.
For my birthday week post I wanted to share some life knowledge that my 30 year old self would like to have told my 18 year old self. Shoot...these are things my 30 year old self wishes I could have told myself even 5 years ago. :: Cue video from 5 years ago that I choreographed ::
Goodness, so much has changed. I used to be such an in the closet emo child even at 25. I found so much to complain and mope about from the lack of interested attention I got from guys to the lack of momentum I had for any kind of passion I wanted to pursue. This piece actually was inspired both by unrequited affection from a certain guy as well as dance itself. Now if there is anything that makes me happy as I approach 30, it is the sureness of my personal growth since then and my love for others because I have finally learned how to love myself regardless of the materialistic things in this world vying now for my attention.
So without further ado, life bits that I have learned thus far (particularly in the last 5 years since the above video was created) ::
Do not wait for others to tell you they love you and what they love about you in order for you to be able to love yourself. This is not where your validation is found. (Application: On any given day, remind yourself of 5 of your strengths that you are confident about. As you continue to do this your list should increase!)
Be more fearless. Take more chances...both in your relationships with others and with yourself. (Application: Commit to your choices! Also, people cannot read your mind. If there is something you want or want to do it will not simply be placed in your lap--speak up about it and/or just do it!)
Life is greater than the sum of yourself. There is always a bigger picture. This somewhat resorts back to number 1...you can't give to the best of your ability if you're not being replenished. (Application: Take a valid rest day for yourself--or a chunk of hours pending your circumstances--at least once a week to do the things that you enjoy, that fuel you, that restore your energy bar back to the brim. Then give your love+time to others whether it be quality one on ones, community, or environmental.)
All this being said, to come full circle and to also attack that whole "be more fearless thing", I recorded a short cover of a cover by Bon Iver (original song by Bonnie Raitt). It remains to this day one of my all-time favorite songs and by no means do I do it justice. I barely practice piano or singing anymore-let alone at the same time-so please lower your expectations, haha. But no matter how I grow over the years, these lyrics never grow old to me. And the older I get, the more hard truths I discover behind the words. As always, thank you guys for journeying with me through your support and love. You all are a part of what fills my heart with joy. I look forward to what my 60 year old self would want to tell my 30 year old self. Okay, just kidding...no need to rush for that 😉