Where Have I Been?

That's the question, isn't it? The last time I shared on my blog was two months ago and I wish I could tell you that the absence was due to anything and everything from an apocalypse to an extended stay-cation. But let's be real, it was admittedly laziness and lack of interest. However, here I am. Back again? Unnecessary apologies if you aren't the reader type--I wanted to do another vlog of "Let's Be Real" but I was in more of the writing mood (this may actually be code for laziness but there was pseudo interest at some point). So this post might end up being quite hefty and less visual. You have been warned. It is officially November 2016. The year is almost over. I just got through one of the roughest months I've had personally in recent memory. So farewell October, thank you for all the changes and challenges but I'm ready for you to be in the past! To understand the question of where I've been, I must give a "quick" summary of all the changes that have happened in this past month!
  1. The Big Move -- I am still living with Megan, however, we moved apartments for the first time in 5 years! This was probably one of the biggest changes I've experienced seeing that I got incredibly comfortable with the spot we were in. I had moved once a year since I was 18 so to be in one spot consistently was such a relief. But I suppose that was a life metaphor somehow in that it was time to stir things up...therefore, the change was good, albeit stressful and not initially, completely welcomed. But it happened, as did all these commas that were most likely incorrectly used.
  2. Part-time Jobs -- When I tell ya I was broke...oh man was I broke. I got incredibly spoiled with having decent free-lance gigs allowing me to have availability for projects left and right, to have time to write, to have time to create for myself to the point that I thought having a job would take me away from being able to say "YES" to everything I wanted to do. But it got to the point where debt was increasing faster than money was being made and the stress of financial lack was eating away at me. I finally told myself to get a consistent paying job again and not let it be an excuse to feel like I have to start saying "NO" to what I want to do. I know I can find a balance and a balance I will find. I am now working two part-time jobs and while it has caused a bit of a fall back on my personal creative endeavors -- it's not for forever. Again, I just gotta find my balance but I am getting there!
  3. Achieving Goals -- One of my major goals this year was to sign with a TV/Film agent. And I did it! While it's not a life changing occasion, it is a big step closer to getting to where I want to be in this industry.  The hardest part has been simply getting in the room to audition and show what I can do. Having an agent doesn't mean it'll automatically happen all the time but at least I know I have someone fighting with me (I think?) to get into that room!
  4. Short Film, Long Hours -- I booked a USC short film this past month which is also being submitted to the new upcoming HBO Visionaries contest. I think I put more hours into preparing and rehearsing for this project than any other shoot I've ever worked on since I started acting. I worked with the director for maybe 7 out of the 10 days leading up to the shoot from when I first found out I was cast to play the lead. The director was also playing the lead opposite of me which was even more pressure to be on point! I am excited to see the outcome and hope to be able to share with you all--I have to screen it first because of damn insecurities! You feel me bro?
  5. Libra Ryan Lives Forever -- In book form! As most of you probably know, since I already announced it on FB and IG, Life Lessons with Libra Ryan will be a children's book soon! I aimed for a children's book as that is about the extent of my writing level as well as attention span. I've been working with an incredibly talented illustrator, Nazarine Jose, who has been a HUGE part of helping me bring Libra Ryan to life. I've shown a rough draft to a few close friends and their excitement/belief in the book has built my confidence that Libra Ryan is about to bring so much joy to so many people!
Now, if you've read through all my life updates in this quick summary form you may see how I've let other parts of my social media life fall a bit on the back burner. (Yes, I just said social media life...deal with it.) I must admit, I became complacent about creating and updating my social media platforms with content. I let "busy-ness" become an excuse and while, yes, I could argue I genuinely have been busy...I still had/have time to create. I can make time. This is where I confess my laziness and lack of interest once again. I want to make a better effort to not let those "L" words get the best of me...and while I'm at it let's add lethargy to that list. (Over achiever with the listing over here, hey!) So apologies to those of you who take the time to enjoy my weekly "Unnecessary Pop Culture News", blog posts, and Life Lessons with Libra Ryan videos. I'm sorry to have let those fall by the wayside for the past while. I feel as though I've let you down. But I am regaining that balance and will be back up and running in due time! I appreciate your patience with me and my inconsistencies. All that being said, panic attacks and anxieties are a real thing I struggle with. Woah, no transition there. The stress became overwhelming at one point and I had a bit of a breakdown a few times these past couple of months. Not even over "bad" problems! However, reflecting on everything that has been going on has been enough to help me step back and realize how much there is to be thankful for in my life. It's about perspective--overused as that statement is. There's a negative way to see everything but also a positive way to focus your mind. 2015 felt like I was in a standstill--hated it. 2016 I feel as though not enough happened of what I wanted to happen or what I thought I had worked for to happen--could let myself hate it. But again, standing back and focusing on positive perspective, I can see how many seeds were planted this year aka the small things that don't seem like much now. All I gotta do is keep working hard on the maintenance so that come 2017--the seeds will start to bloom and flourish! All this change ain't happenin' for nothin'! I'd love to stand at the end of 2017 and tell myself "I told you so" writing about how much I loved 2017. Gonna give myself a head start. Congratulations if you've made it through my verbal vomit! But now that you've been caught up, feel free to help keep me accountable on creating more content for you guys 🙂 There's so much more life outside of these words and posts and photos that I like to keep to myself. But for what I can share, I am more than happy for it to reach you all. Thanks for reciprocating the love and support even in my gaps of silence. -sukie<3.

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